Lesson 5. It Is Ok To Have An F You Day

Today is a fuck you day. Fuck you to the world. Fuck you to the snotty woman at the garage who refused to aknowledge me until I was stood at the counter. I was the only one in the shop but obviously inspecting the dirt on the window was far more important than a paying customer. This woman who picked up the wrong size pouch of tobacco and rang it through the till while I was fumbling around my purse for money, to then give me the filthiest look when I told her that was the wrong size pouch (I did not have enough money for a big pouch!) like I had done something wrong. That got my back right up. You work here love, not me. You rang it through the till so unless you want me to jump over the counter and press cancel transaction, for which I will then be working for you and will expect paying DO NOT look at me with that exasperated glare. I stared sheer venom at this woman. You rude old trout!!! Once she had put the correct pouch in front of me I told her “this is 12.5g isnt it”.

Her reply “I dont go by grams but if you say it is then ok”

So when she handed me my penny change I gave a sarcastic smile and bit my lip all the way out of the shop about her customer service skills.

Rude Bastard!!

Maybe I was taking my mood out on her I don’t know. My eldest is on day 5 of severe tonsillitis. The 7th episode this year and the 2nd visit to A&E. My youngest decided after, changing his bum, getting him dressed, fighting with his snowsuit as it is getting to small for him, all ready to go….and he shits! That has been the recurring scene today. He has filled 5 nappies with the pungent smell of last nights roast and just to add insult to injury he then puked on the office floor while we sat sorting the paperwork. He has pulled at the blinds, smacked the TV, tried to peel the wallpaper and generally just been a little bugger….he went to bed half an hour early tonight.aug 2015 073Bathtime tonight gave me two crying children. After putting the baby and my 8 year old in together I put the shower head on to wash my daughter’s waist length hair. Mum Error Alert. I put the hot water on first…Cue crying 8 year old as the water decides to continue out of the tap and not out of the shower head thus meaning the HOT but not scalding water hit her leg. Me in a panic, tries to flick the stupid switches to get it off her leg and what does my poor baba do? Touches the water. I could of cried with him 😦 Both are ok, no damage or burns but a lot of tears.

I decided to start reading my little man a bedtime story each night. He likes to sit on my knee and have his milk whilst I read to him. Ella my 8 year old has a turn too so she gets reading practice and I feel that I am gaining some good mummy badges. Rather than shushing them through Emmerdale, the sky plus box comes into action and its story time! It has been going so well until tonight when Tatun decides to dick around. Lets splash mummy with the milk, lets whack her on the head with the bottle while she reads. Lets grab the book so she has to bend her neck into ungodly angles to finish the sentence. Three pages in and several warnings enough was enough. Teeth brushed and say night night to your sisters. I looked into my beautiful little boy’s innocent blue eyes and asked for a kiss. I stroked his hair and bent down to kiss my gorgeous little boy.

One final smack in the chops from him was what I got.

I love him to each corner of the earth. But he can be a little tosser at times.

Lesson 5. It is ok to have an F you day. Sometimes like throws a whole bag of shite in your direction and when you catch it, it leaks all over you. Some days everything goes wrong, everything pisses you off, and you laugh because you don’t want to cry. But I treasure these days in a strange way. Because one day, not to far from now, he will not need me to change his bum or read him stories. Ella will not need me to wash her hair or Mia will not need me to get her a cold flannel for her fever. So keep smiling mums and dads. It’s just an F you day.


Lesson 4. Tomorrow Is Another Day.

So I picked Ella up from school on Thurday. Out she came WITHOUT her brand new school jumper….still to be found and without her swimming costume! She then went on to explain how she had banged her head on a metal pole. She said she got out of the swimming pool and her goggles were blurry and walked straight into it, cutting her head.

Today Tatun, who was sat happily watching Peppa Pig in his pram, unbuckled (bad mummy) decided to stand up and turn around in it, to which it flipped over and he has bitten through his lip. A lot of tears, a lot of blood. I feel terrible!

Lesson 4. When the day is going shit. Smile! You get to do it all again tomorrow.

So That Happened. Lesson 3


 Day 4 of Ella’s new school…..brand new £25 M&S shoes……I have no words! After trying to blame her brother saying he bit them (he only has 4 teeth!) she has been told that 

1. Wheelie boards are an asshole invention .

2. Her school echoes do not serve as brakes

3. She will be saving her pocket money to buy new shoes. 

Lesson3. Look after and respect your personal belongings 

Nice To Meet You

Guess I better introduce myself.

I am 35, I have 3 kids. I have the most craziest fucked up life that I am positive we should have hidden camera’s to capture some of the amazing highs and terrible lows. I’m not a beauty, not a “looker” but not a beast either. I am slightly OCD…(ok more than slightly!) and I have recently moved to the middle of nowhere, away from all my family and friends, uprooted my kids to new schools, so we can all live in this big house in the country with an adjoining holiday cottage, to make a go of turning it into a business.

5 bad things about me

I smoke too much

I swear too much

I worry to much

I am a bit of a know-it-all when in reality most of the time i’m just winging it – I actually know fuck all

I am obsessive. Whether is be cleaning, saving money, the way I look. Whatever it is I become obsessed with it.

5 Good things about me

I am fiercely loyal

I have a good sense of humour

I am strong minded

…….. I will have to think of another 2…..

so the kids are in their new schools. My middle child has so far nearly knocked herself out by falling off something at school, ripped her new school skirt and came out on friday with her neatly plaited hair all undone and two whopping big plasters on her knees. Another fall and a freak accident with a pen stuck in her plait which meant she had to undo all of my mornings work!

My eldest’s first day, after days of planning bus routes, walking the walk to school with her so she could get her bearings and know her way, Realising that being in the country NO buses go past that will get her to school in time. Using the power of facebook to meet a lovely woman who has offered to give her a lift every morning FREE OF CHARGE and being accused by some man of basically being a crap mum by looking for a car share for her. As I explained to him I am not chucking a toddler in some stranger’s car, she is 13, going into year 9 and is the most mature 13 year old I have ever met…. consisted of  after her getting her lift, meeting a girl and walking to a COMPLETELY different secondary school! After a garbled, breathless phone call from a very stressed teenager, I managed to calm her down and guide her by phone in the right direction. What a start to the new term.

So this will be the beginning of our Journey. Our new adventure. Lets see what happens….

Lesson 2. Expect the unexpected.

So That Happened

Today I killed a spider. Big fucker as well. With my daughter’s shoe who is petrified of spiders so she didn’t want to wear it. Today I have smoked about 15 fags. Today my boyfriend has had a relapse in his breakdown. Today I seen a magpie and knew it was going to be a shitty day. Today I hired a joiner after the door of my holiday cottage fell apart and I hired a cowboy to fit a new door, he bodged the job completely, took the door off, put the old broken door back on, refunded me and left. After I screamed at him.

I have just sent my three children up to bed. My youngest, whose just turned one, decided it would be fun to hit mummy with a plastic bowl repeatedly whilst I set up this blog. My middle child, who is 8 kept sneaking chocolates out of the roses tin thinking I was unaware and my eldest, at 13 was too lost in her iphone to know the world was still turning. Today has been a hard day. Today its been hard to smile and I am a very smiley person usually.

Just read this back. What a miserable bitch I was yesterday. 

Lesson 1. When life falls apart. Start a blog.